Watling Street by John Higgs

 Been quite a while since I last wrote a book review, but that doesn't mean I haven't been reading. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's just that I have continued to read a lot of Hilary Mantel's output, and so far, every one has been worthy of 5 stars. Other books have been less worthy of any sort of recommendation.

However, I took a chance on a book that I'd never heard of, from a firm that handles end of runs and limited appeal books. This is Postscript and the description in their catalogue intrigued me,

Watling Street is known historically as the road from Dover to Chester, built during Roman times. However, Mr. Higgs sets out to prove that the road actually pre-dates that, and may indeed have continued on to Anglesey in Wales.

He travels the length of it, exploring notable places (like Milton Keynes!) within 5 miles either side of the road, and covers both well-known and lesser known historical details.

His writing style is warm and engaging, and I'm very inclined to purchase his other books on the strength of it.

This is a book that covers both historical facts, and the historical basis of the myths that these islands abound with.

A poem? well, not quite. More a monologue

 Is there anyone here in the UK, as old as me, who remembers Alice's Restaurant Massacree by Arlo Guthrie? It was a Big Thing with us, back in 1967. If you've never heard it, I suggest you try to find a copy. It sounds much better the way Arlo Guthrie tell it.

If you can't find it, here's the transcript..........

This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the
Restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
That's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's
Restaurant.

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
Restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
Church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of
Room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room,
Seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't
Have to take out their garbage for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
A friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So
We took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW
Microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
On toward the city dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
Dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump
Closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
Into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.

We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
Side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
Cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
Is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
Decided to throw our's down.

That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving
Dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
Next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid,
We found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
Garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
Under that garbage."

After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we
Finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
And pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
Police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the
Shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the
Police officer's station.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at
The police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
Being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and
We didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
And told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again,
Which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station
There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
Both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I
Can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."

And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
Quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop
Signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars,
Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
Get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
Cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and
They took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
One was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
The getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
Mention the aerial photography.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put
Us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
Wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my
Wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
Want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
Said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the
Toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
Out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
Toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie
Was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(Remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
Nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
To the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
And didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
Of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
And Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
Pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
Sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
Twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'Cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
Blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the
Judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
Pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
One explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
We was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
What I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street,
Where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
Neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
Day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. 'Cause I wanted to
Look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
To feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
And I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
Kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
Me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL, " and
He started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
Yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me,
Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."

Didn't feel too good about it.

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
Detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
At the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
Hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
Ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
Inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
Part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
Last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
And I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got
One question. Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre,
With full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
The phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
Go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
The back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
You to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W ... NOW kid!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
Where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
Committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'N' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
And said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
Said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand,
And we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
Father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
Bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
Things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
Up and said.

"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
Know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
You-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
Officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
Forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
Fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
Down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
Pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
Other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
The other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
Following words:

I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
Ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
Sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'Cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women,
Kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
Said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
Off to Washington."

And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a
Study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
Singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
Situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
Situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
The shrink wherever you are, just walk in say "Shrink, You can get
Anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
One person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
They won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
They may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
Singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
Organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said
Fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
Walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

And that's what it is, the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and
All you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
Guitar.

With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
Sing it when it does. Here it comes.

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it
For another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.

So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
Harmony and feeling.

We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.

All right now.

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

And while you're searching the whole of the USA for an original copy, can you see if you can find the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one. Because I'd just love to see them!

All that I am

 

Thank you Master Thich. Good wishes for your swift return

_/\_

Strange how memories are triggered..............

 I’ve just been reminded of a very strange conversation that I had with a ‘well-known’ person, must be over 30 years ago now. It proved how easy it is to get away with being cheeky, and how easy it is to upset your Other Half.

We took our small son to Olympia in London to a computer show. Walking between the stands, coming the other way, was an extremely good-looking young man, dressed head to foot in shiny, expensive black leather, with a glass of whisky in one hand, and seemingly a few more inside him.

So – the conversation was very simple:

Me: Are you a real biker, or just a poseur?

Warren Cann: Would you like to see my bike?

Me: Is that a proposition, by the way, this is my husband

Warren: It’s parked out back. You’ll like it.

Out back………….

Me: Nah. It’s a Harley

Husband………………..bright red and embarrassed.

To be fair, it was a gorgeous pearl white Electra-Glide, and he went out back to call someone to pick him and the bike up after the show……………….

If you don’t know who Warren Cann is, you can Google it

Oddly, that memory came out of a discussion Dick and I were having about antiques experts. The only connection I can see, is that Harley…………………………..

A Day of sorrow .............and new beginings

 I don't usually comment on current affairs, but hey, today is a day for remembrance and sorrow for the passing of a great lady. No idea who wrote this, but................

Phillip came to me today,

and said it was time to go.

I looked at him and smiled,

as I whispered that "I know"

I then turned and looked behind me,

and seen I was asleep.

All my Family were around me,

and I could hear them weep.

I gently touched each shoulder,

with Phillip by my side.

Then I turned away and walked,

with My Angel guide.

Phillip held my hand,

as he lead the way,

to a world where King's and Queens,

are Monarch's every day.

I was given a crown to wear

or a Halo known by some.

The difference is up here,

they are worn by everyone.

I felt a sense of peace,

my reign had seen its end.

70 years I had served my Country,

as the peoples friend.

Thank you for the years,

for all your time and love.

Now I am one of two again,

in our Palace up above.

Rest in peace to our Queen

Lifting my spirits........

 So, there has been so much isolation and restriction on our lives over the past couple of years, that it has had quite a detrimental effect on my mental health. Between boredom, poor health, spending too much time stuck in the house with all that entails, I have decided to make some positive changes to my life style.

I love cooking, but sadly, TOH doesn't necessarily want to eat what I want to cook, or what are the healthiest foods. So I thought, why do I have to eat what he does? We eat out a lot when the weather is good for riding, which means I can generally find something suitable for me. At home, I've been exploring different cuisines, and I either cook food for me and freeze the extra for later, or I pop the surplus round to the offspring to try.

Craftwork - I found myself with two huge sacks of wool and cotton balls left over from various projects. So I set to over the winter months and made various throws for our sofas, and various items for the charity shop over the road.

We quite often use a small cafe, run by a very nice family, who between them, have 4 girls of varying ages, and several assorted Barbie dolls. So I got myself a cheap second-hand one off Ebay, and started using the remnants to make clothes for her. I finally had a collection of over 100 outfits, everything from knickers to ball gowns. I took them down to the cafe, and the girls divided them up between themselves.

Other hobbies, I've been using YouTube to explore pieces of music that were unfamiliar to me, and I've found some real crackers to add to my playlist. I also 'found' Randy Rainbow - probably the funniest musical parody maker of the American political system. I just wish he'd come over here and let loose his wit on our poor excuse for a Government. I've just started to read his first book 'Playing With Myself'. If you watch his videos, that title will make sense

Finally, I realised that I actually need some serious 'me' time. With all that has happened, accommodation prices have rocketed to the point where I really cannot justify going away by myself anymore. I also need to get more physical exercise, but I'm not one of those people who can just go for a meaningless walk for the sole purpose of fitness.

I need purpose and something to distract my mind. Then deep joy, I came across QuizTrails These are little books, each one focused on a specific local town, which have a set route to follow and questions to find the answers to as you follow the trail. There are also lovely little explanations and enhancements. At the moment, they only cover Kent, and a couple of towns just over the border into East Sussex. So far, I've done three - all places I thought I knew well, but now realise I don't! I'm so impressed with them, I've purchased the entire range, and aim to do one every week. 

I ride to the town, park up, spend 2-3 hours walking around for up to 2 miles, answering the questions and taking lots of photographs (to be found on My British Isles blog) I then find an attractive route home. For example, when I did the Sandwich one, I rode over there (about 40 miles), parked up and did the trail, plus a little extra because the weather was so lovely. I then took a different route home, around the coast. That was a round trip of just over 100 miles and a 3 mile walk

I'm going to enjoy these!

Garage Update - the last one?

 So, the two main bikes have been replaced. He has the latest version of his go-to CB500X, which suits him so well. The latest version is a vast improvement over the last one, and is a gorgeous thing to look at 

Me? Well, I've finally had to admit that my beloved 650 4-pot was just getting too much for my ever-weakening muscles, and the fact that, over the past year, I've lost nearly 4 inches in height. At 74, I've changed for a CB500F, although not the latest version. The last one was still available, a little cheaper, and having had one before, I knew it was more than capable of doing what I need a bike to do. So, meet Hugo.....

So - why possibly the last one? I've developed Wet AMD in my right eye, for which I'm being treated. So far, the treatment is going well, and every session they have cleared my vision to be OK to drive. But they have warned me, that this may not always be the case, and if necessary, they will cancel my driving licence.

Add to that, one of my oldest friends (52 years a friend), is shortly retiring. Those of you who know me personally, will know who that is, and realise what a massive impact this will have on my future motorcycling habits. However, at this point in time, that is not my story to tell.  Hopefully, he won't go out of my circle of friends and move away, because I would miss his friendship sooooo much